Well, the season of sleigh bells, hot cocoa, gift-giving and all around good cheer is now upon us. Remember the good ol’ days when we used to call it Christmas?
As any politically correct individual knows, the very word “Christmas” can be and often is extremely offensive. Why? Well, as most people know, the word “Christmas” originated as a compound word, “Christ’s Mass”. Of course, the very name “Christ” can be extremely offensive in and of itself, as is the entire Christian system of beliefs. But on top of that, the second half of the word, “mass” is a Eucharistic celebration in the Roman Catholic Church. So, the whole word “Christmas” is absolutely fraught through with religion. It simply has no place in a politically correct society.
So, what do we do? Simple! We can replace “Christmas” with “Holidays”. After all, the Christmas season includes not only December 25 itself, but also New Years Eve and day. So it only makes sense to say “Happy Holidays”, since we’re really celebrating more than one special day. And that will make the people who don’t want to think about religion happy, right?
Wrong. See, the word “holiday” has its origins in the church and religion as well. “Holiday” was originally a contraction of the words “holy day”, and originally represented special religious days. So again, we find a word with roots in the church. The word holiday must go.
Hmm… what are we going to tell those fat men on the street corners to shout now? We can’t say “Happy Holidays”, and we certainly can’t say “Merry Christmas”. What should the official festive greeting be? Well, to be entirely politically safe, we now are reduced to referring to the festive week as merely “Winter Break”. Kinda takes the fun out of it…
But as if that’s not bad enough, we have to take even more of the festivity out of the season. See, in certain parts of the world, Santa Clauses are not allowed to shout “ho-ho-ho”. Why? Well, different people give different explanations. Some claim that the words “ho-ho-ho” sound too similar too an American slang term for female prostitute, while others say simply that the loud laughter may frighten little children. But whatever the reason, our red-clad over-weight philanthropists are now reduced to shouting “Ha Ha Ha! Happy Winter Break!”
I’m anxiously awaiting the day when those political correctness gurus realize that Santa Claus too should be banned from the holiday scene. After all, “Santa Claus” is really just a shortening of the name “Saint Nicholas”. And since the term “Saint” definitely has church origins, the man himself ought to be banned. I guess the only reason the keep the old fat guy around is that if they got rid of him, there’d be nothing left to celebrate.